Rant. Read if you like. Excuse any typos, I am too pissed to try and correct them.
Though I really have no idea where, or how to start...but I'll guess I'll start with the fact that I hate racism. Despise it. TOTALLY NOT OK WITH IT. Not even my friends are allowed to crack a racist joke around me anymore, no matter what race it's about, even if they're just playing. I absolutely will not tolerate it. Not even on here, so don't even think about it unless you want me to never talk to you ever again. Think I'm freaking out over nothing? Fine, you can think that, but you've no clue what I've been going through for almost 2 years.
As I believe most of you know, I am a white girl (hell, I'm still to pissed to even be polite and use non-offensive terms, so I'm so sorry Kino) and my boyfriend, the love of my life, is a black boy. And you also may know that, according to my mom, I'm not allowed to date anyone other than white boys. I talked to her about that almost 2 years ago, when Kino first asked me out, and even though she said that, Kino still wanted to be with me. We've been together ever since, and I believe my mom has caught on.
She and my little sister have been saying things, just small little racist things, trying to get something out of me, and for the longest time, it's never worked. But I hit my limit just a few hours ago. I cannot take this anymore. I can't believe I come from a family like this. Hell, the way I was raised, I pretty much should have turned out just like my mom. She and my aunt would always tell me about the black gangs in the neighborhood I live in now, how they almost killed my aunt and grandpa. Well yeah, back then I understand why you would be racist, but times have changed dammit. Not every black person you meet is in a gang, there're barely any gangs in this neighborhood now.
My mom is pretty much the biggest racist stereotypical hypocrite I've ever met. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me going out with a black boy because she's scared a 'little girl' like me is gonna get raped be someone 'like him'. She's met him at least twice, once when he was still a friend, and another time after we secretly started going out, but not once did she bother to get to know him. If she had gotten to know him, I know for sure she would like him, he just too nice to be like that. He LOOKS too nice to be like that, but she just can't see what I see, what I know. The way she acts about it, you seriously think she couldn't even stand to look at a black person, but oh my God, no. She LOVES black comedians! That makes me rage more than anything! I don't even know what to say to that, so I'm just going to stop right there.
I've had friends tell me to talk to her about it, to ask her to stop saying things like that to me and around me. I did, twice, and got lectured for hours after each time. The second time was on my way home FROM CHURCH like last fall. SHE LECTURED ME BECAUSE I HUGGED HIM AND 2 OF MY OTHER FRIENDS AT CHURCH. I can't even... Hopefully I only have one more year to live with this family before I can find a friend to live with until Kino gets out of college, but I honestly don't think I can make it another year like this. I feel terrible not being able to stand up for him, I can't stop thinking and saying I'm sorry, can't stop crying. I don't know what to do anymore, it's just too much.